Making a Better Life: Don't be Clever, be Good

Help your friends move

There is a lot to be said for the modern world. We apply brainpower to avoid so many inconveniences and inefficiencies that we have to go out of our way to exercise our bodies to stay fit. You don’t see lions on the savannah thinking “Man, I am getting a bit paunchy… better go for a run later,” they are just glad they are not starving. Humans have freed up so much time from menial drudgery through clever capital creation that we can create art, music and literature, along with spending time studying how to create even more new things. Cleverness and ingenuity in finding ways to avoid unnecessary work is praised, and rightly so.

Yet so many are miserable, lonely and alienated. Why?

Because work is beneficial to us. Our bodies need exercise. Our brains need problems to solve and things to achieve. Our hearts need connections to friends and family, and the approval of others. We want not only to be praised, but to be praiseworthy. Work can fulfill these needs.

Not all work is made equal, however. The oft mentioned digging of ditches may provide exercise, but doesn’t meet any other needs. Much work is just that, work, something to be done to some end, but better to avoid if you can achieve the end in other less effortful ways.

But some work is really worth doing. Sometimes making your own things is better than just buying them; that’s what crafting hobbies are made of. Planting your own garden, tending the fruits and vegetables every day, feeling the frustration of animals eating the fruits of your labor before you can, all of that is less efficient than simply buying produce at the store, but it is also quite satisfying and enjoyable for many people. Having something you care about, that you tend to, that you can watch grow is part of what gives meaning in life.

Well applied cleverness helps you avoid the bad work so you can spend more on the work that gives meaning.

Plants do not generally say thank you, however. If they approve or disapprove of your actions they hide it well. The best work is that which connects us with other people, where we can see the difference we make for someone else, especially someone we care about.

Helping your friends move is probably some of the best work you can do in a day.

Moving isn’t fun. Sure, there is exercise. Yes, it is sometimes interesting to figure out how to get a couch through a door while wondering how it got inside in the first place. That alone doesn’t make it worth doing; I have moved many times in the past few years and afterwards was never excited for the next time. Mostly I was just sore.

So when it isn’t even your stuff to move, you might be tempted to be clever and avoid it. Be busy that day, or make sure everyone you know knows you will never help anyone else move. Maybe claim you hurt your back and can’t help. It don’t take much cleverness to avoid it.

However, what better opportunity will you ever have to show your friends how much you appreciate them? How often do you get to give someone exactly what they need at the moment, to show your worth by struggling with them, to be the one going out of your way when others aren’t? And for what? A few hours lifting heavy things while talking with your friend, solving a few problems, all in towards a clear, measurable objective. It might well be the most pleasant workout you ever have.

Of course, one can’t always help their friends move. For starters, if all your friends are moving away you might need to reexamine certain aspects of your life. More generally, people don’t move that often. Maybe you have bad knees, or otherwise can’t actually move things around much. That’s fine, just think of what you can do to help. Sweeping up, making snacks, watching the kids, double checking that things haven’t been forgotten in random rooms… I can assure you that there are many jobs that need doing during a move, if you look for them and volunteer.

The thought process pushes you in the right direction overall, as well. If your friends aren’t moving, maybe they are building a deck, or just need someone to mow the lawn while they are away. Moving is obvious, but small offers of help are appreciated and give the opportunity for worth while work. We become praiseworthy by doing the things we think are worthy of praise, and most of us respect and praise those who are ready with a helping hand.

You could even pay it back by asking for help. Let a friend or neighbor know they can help out with something, even if you don’t really need it. Maybe they don’t want to, or maybe they are busy, but just maybe they will like having an opportunity to help out and make a connection. Other people like being praiseworthy, too, if given the opportunity.

We often imagine ourselves being heroes, waiting for some chance to save someone or otherwise perform some deed to the cheers of the crowd and admiration of those we know. These opportunities are few and far between; it turns out that there just are not that many burning buildings to save people from.

What we can often do, however, is help someone move a couch. You might not get cheers from the crowd, but you will almost certainly get a sincere thank you from a friend.